What should I do?
I am still undecided. Yet tomorrow is the last day for application to Nursing course that starts in July. It is strange that when I had nothing to choose, I wish I had options and now that I have options, I seem scared to choose what I think I really want. Why is that? I think it boils down to a lack of faith...and a lack of trust in myself. What are my fears? Number 1 fear is money, cos nursing in S'pore is not considered a professional job and thus nurses are not a highly paid. And the purpose of money is more for my family then for myself. I'm a cheapo so no worry there. But I am paying for Nenek's medical expenses which is quite high ...with a nurses' pay, can I still do so? Can I do the same for Atok's? A way around this is to work overseas. Nursing is considered professional in UK and US and even in the Middle East. I was thinking...I'll do the 2-yr accelerated Diploma programme in NYP then serve the necessary 3-yr bond then head overseas for a year or 2...then come back, work in a local hospital for a few years then head back overseas again...something like that. But I'l miss my family and I don't know if Atok can accept me being away from home for so long. He is so attached to me. And I can't bear to be away from him for so long either. I'll miss him so much.
I have dreamt of volunteering overseas,helping people in the way World Vision does ever since I saw World Vision's advert for donation on TV in Australia. And I do find myself working to carve a path for myself that leads to that..but its not working because I don't have the right skills. I don't have logistics nor medical skills. There is only so much that I can contribute as a first aider :(
It was only recently that Red Cross involved me in their overseas missions..the first being to Meulaboh to assist in a free clinic and hopefully my second will be to Java to help the victims of Mt Merapi eruption...which I hope will not happen before next weekend (actually I hope it does not happen untill all villagers in the area have been evacuated). I think what attracts me to this is the idea of having an adventure and helping people at the same time. I want to live the kind of life in which I'll have stories to tell...not gossip..but stories of adventure and stories of life people at different places lead...their realities. I want to lead a purposeful like. I want my life to mean something. Life in S'pore is so routine, so protected. We are like ants in their hill. We go to work everyday with only material wealth as our objective. And in the workplace, its every woman/man for her/himself. Politics, backstabbing and selfishness are rife. I can't say I am not guilty of it. When I started working, I told myself to never do those things but I unconsciously do. The work environment, the competition amongst collegues for a share of a really small pie..it moulds you to be a horrible person. The process takes time, but it happens without one even realising it... until something happens and one takes a step back and reflect. Then one realises that one has become "one of them"...and one hates it.
I need to make a decision. And I need to make it by the end of today.
May Allah grant what is best for me and my family..for only Allah knows.
Istikharah prayer for me to do today..and then decision
I have dreamt of volunteering overseas,helping people in the way World Vision does ever since I saw World Vision's advert for donation on TV in Australia. And I do find myself working to carve a path for myself that leads to that..but its not working because I don't have the right skills. I don't have logistics nor medical skills. There is only so much that I can contribute as a first aider :(
It was only recently that Red Cross involved me in their overseas missions..the first being to Meulaboh to assist in a free clinic and hopefully my second will be to Java to help the victims of Mt Merapi eruption...which I hope will not happen before next weekend (actually I hope it does not happen untill all villagers in the area have been evacuated). I think what attracts me to this is the idea of having an adventure and helping people at the same time. I want to live the kind of life in which I'll have stories to tell...not gossip..but stories of adventure and stories of life people at different places lead...their realities. I want to lead a purposeful like. I want my life to mean something. Life in S'pore is so routine, so protected. We are like ants in their hill. We go to work everyday with only material wealth as our objective. And in the workplace, its every woman/man for her/himself. Politics, backstabbing and selfishness are rife. I can't say I am not guilty of it. When I started working, I told myself to never do those things but I unconsciously do. The work environment, the competition amongst collegues for a share of a really small pie..it moulds you to be a horrible person. The process takes time, but it happens without one even realising it... until something happens and one takes a step back and reflect. Then one realises that one has become "one of them"...and one hates it.
I need to make a decision. And I need to make it by the end of today.
May Allah grant what is best for me and my family..for only Allah knows.
Istikharah prayer for me to do today..and then decision
posted by Jules @ 11:00 AM
5 Comments:
At 12:56 PM,
Anonymous said…
Kak Ana, I suggest two things:
Stay at your career for now. Treat this as a sacrifice for both your grandparents. In life, sometimes we cannot get what we want immediately. It takes time.. For now, you must spent your time here with your grandparents while they are still in this world.(sorry if I say something in appropriate)
You can only think about your "adventure" when you dun really have to take care of anyone. This is because so as long as there is someone who depends on you, you must think twice when making big decision. Anyway, life is still long, Insyallah, you will be given time to achieve self-actualization... Just have to wait for the right time..
Sometimes we really have to control our desire to please or be with those we love...
Or you can just admit yourself into any polytechnic..(you must have enough financially for school and grandparents)..You can also do part time work to earn money.. and see whether the nursing career is for you.. This choice will enable you to be with your grandparents, and also learn indepth about what nursing is.. when time passes by, then you can make the next big step ok? but start from small steps first..
At 5:57 PM,
Jules said…
Ya, I agree with your 2nd idea. I was thinking along the same line. I don't have to worry abt fee bcos the course is sponsored. In fact I will be given an allowance. That is why after the 2-yrs course, I will be bonded. I will be super duper poor if I choose this direction so yes I was also thinking I need to do something as a sideline to earn more cash.
Wat the sideline activity is? I was thinking of tuition but not to relatives. Because like you, I also want to do it at my hse only.
Otherwise I'll probably takeup some part-time job like at starbucks or something...don't know la.
THE FOLLOWING IS SECRET OK! ONLY READ ON IF YOU CAN KEEP A SECRET!!!!
I have made the on-line application. But I did it at the last minute and discovered that I had to do a 100words explaination of why I want to join. I panicked of course because it has been a long time I did such summaries. I took so long to do it. And it ended up being 2 paragraphs long! Definitely more than 100 words. haha...
All applications are supposed to be in by 5pm but I only finish filling up the form at abt 5.10pm. And, I was so undecided whether to go through with it that I purposely delay clicking the "Submit" button. I only clicked it at 5.30pm. I decided that if Allah wants me to take this path, my application will somehow be considered. Else I'll re-apply at the end of the year and continue with what I'm doing for another half a year.
Tawakal la...
This is s secret because I have yet to tell my parents what I am up to. They are so busy I haven't found a time when they are both around at a decent hour.
At 9:17 PM,
Anonymous said…
Good Kak Ana, I mean we are all behind you, we will support whatever decision you make.I think its good that you apply now.. cos otherwise, you are wasting your time. Anyway, nadia and me are also in poly.. we can keep you company.. we can start our careers together.. rather than having to start alone..
Like me, I was led by Allah.. Allah showed me the correct path.. Alhamdullillah..
But i must however, alert you to the fact that you are taking a big step. Join poly first... get to know the course well .. the whole process of being a nurse.. talk to someone who has been in the line..
and then you ask yourself whether the career is for you. This kinda thing takes long term commitment... it takes passion... I hope you understand what I mean.. we (your parents, grandparents and relatives) are always here to support you..mentally as well as financially (wait until i get a decent job) really.. what are cousins for?
At 8:21 AM,
Anonymous said…
Ana,
Maybe you can talk to Mak Busu? I remembered the day when she took up Nursing - not knowing what it was all about. She went through the whole process of being a Trainee with a miserable allowance and now (I believe) she is happy with what she is doing.
Rest assured, we're all behind you!
If you need any assistance, feel free to email me.
At 11:24 PM,
Anonymous said…
hello kak ana...itz me ely...i heard about u wanting to be a nurse and that may mean u giving up ur career. well i muz say it's a tough decision...i will give u my opinions...
i decided to write in because i was brought up by my grandma and she was my everything, my parents were too busy and we were not as close. She passed away in 2001 after 8 years suffering from stroke. I missed her so much but i reda in letting her go because she had suffered enough. Then i was still a student and there's nothing much i could do. I wish i had all the money in the world to give her the best medical treatment...medical expenses is not cheap...it is so so so so expensive!!! even with a lot of savings we can be dried out after so many years.
I really admire u...u still have your grandparents and u are taking care of them so well.u will always think of them even before yourself.u'll sentiasa dirahmati insya-allah.
we all have passion and dreams...i love sports but in spore u juz earn peanuts if u pursue it.money after all is important in many aspects.The sad thing is we can only pursue our interests when we are financially so stable or has no other commitments to tie us down.
But then again, to hang on to a job that no longer gives us the satisfaction is ALSO another issue. I'm starting my career and i still have no idea what i want. The areas that i'm interested in...well no one has given me the opportunity yet...Those areas that i'm not keen at...readily give me a job...i thought i could hang on for the money but it's really hard to drag myself to work when i cannot see myself going far in the company...i could not even see any light hehe...i tried to hang on for the money as the pay was not bad but i really could not do it.It's tough...i'm not choosey but the job was too technical for me.
I'm sure whatever u do u will think of and for your grandparents...while they are still around...do your best to provide and care for them. I do not think going oversea would be an option while they are still around because they need you and while they are still around stay with them. Although i know nurses are well paid in the US or UK but the best option is to stay in spore even if u chose to pursue the nursing path. There is a career path for nurse.u can even be a senior nurse which is on par as a doctor. My good friend's sister graduated from NUS in computer science...she became a teacher for ard 2 years then headed to nyp for the nursing course. Now she is a nurse in tan tock seng hospital. She is thinking of going oversea...she is married with one child. She is thinking of bringing her family to dubai as everything will be paid for eg her children's education. But hers is a young family.
i really wanted to write in to u...hope it helps. whatever u do, i wish u the very best. It must be tough on u...think carefully and once u made up your mind... stick to it religiously and dun look back...u must be SURE at the end of the LINE...u be saying "I made the right choice"...
take care...impossible is nothing...eLy
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